Weeds Quake at the Sound of My Machete

Not my property

As most of you know Hubby is now the only one running the towing company.  His best-friend/employee turned into a lazy lying creep so he was fired (but if you ask him he quit).  So that leaves me home alone a good portion of the time.  I do my best to make sure that Hubby has food in his belly when he gets home especially since he tends to only eat once a day.  Between work, exercise, domestic fun, and homework there is little time to make sure the yard is kept looking nice.  Those reasons and I really don’t like bugs.  It’s been about three weeks since I mowed (I have to rely on Hubby to bring the tractor home since we have an acre) and several heavy rains in those weeks have made my fence line look similar to the pic above.  It finally happened!  I got a letter from the city saying that I have a week to “remove weeds from fence line all over yard” and “mow/trim all over yard”.  Seriously?  My neighbors are growing pot and the other ones are making meth and these idiots are worried about my not-even-as-tall-as-my-knee grass?  Makes me laugh and get mad all at the same time.

Anyway I decided I didn’t want to get taken to court/be issued a ticket for this stupidity so I started working on the yard.  The first night Hubby was home to help (Yeah!) so he used the weed hacker on the giant hill out front and I started in on the fence line with the loppers (I’m a bit of a lopper addict).  We made a dent after a few hours.  Then when total exhaustion hit me I realized I still needed to make dinner.  Ugh.


The next day Hubby came home with a new tire for my lawn mower only to find out that not one but two tires needed to be replaced.  Ok, more manual weed removal for me.  This time I tried my hand at the machete.  Talk about a kick your butt workout.  But with the built in frustration release I like it just as much as my dear loppers.  After that first night I was still a bit sore from lugging tree limbs and brush down to our burn pile so I wasn’t the best at using my new toy.  Worked again for a few hours and gave up for the night.

Two days ago I decided to get the mower up and running since Hubby changed the other tire when he got home (only to head out to tow shortly after).  No go.  It wouldn’t start.  So I got to learn how to use a charger on a battery.  Only to find that the belt that actually runs the blades has been eaten by some creature since the last time I used it.  Can I not get a break?  I was determined to get something done that night so out came the machete again.  A lesson was learned that night… when you can no longer distinguish weeds from trees it’s time to go inside.

Hubby didn’t get home until very late last night too so I was again left alone with my machete.  After two hours of whacking away everything in sight I figure it was time to call it quits.  Apparently there’s a direct correlation between hours spent using a machete and pounds lost.  Two hours = two pounds lighter today!  I’m hooked.  Here’s the funny part.  A while ago Methman went crazy (drugs or lack of them) and hacked his house to bits with his own machete.  He decides to come up to me while I’m attacking the weeds by our shared fence and offer up a scythe.  Ok I’m officially going to be armed if I’m outside alone.  Anyone who attacks imaginary people in his own home and has a scythe is not someone I want to be unarmed around.


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