We’re Expecting**

** No, I am not pregnant. But this is damn funny.



Impatient Imp ~or~ Fun With Numbers

No, not yet.

One of Dr. K’s rules after getting Lap Band is no pregnancy for two years.  TWO.  WHOLE.  YEARS.  I am not known to be a patient person.  Especially after all we went through about two years ago.  Remember this… or how about this?  Yeah, good times.  Anyway, I remember reading somewhere that fertility in women can be linked to BMI.  Hey, did you know I’ve dropped 9 BMI points in the last year?

I found the article that lists the statistics…

In the study, they found that for every BMI unit over 29, the chance of pregnancy was reduced by four percent, when compared to women with BMI’s between 21 to 29. Women who were severely obese, with BMI’s between 35 to 40, had a 23% to 43% less chance of achieving pregnancy compared to the below 29 BMI women.

I started with a BMI of 40 and now have a score of 31.8.  Not quite the 29 that the article talks about but I’m good with rounding numbers down.  My lady brain interprets the math as this… I’m almost at a 29 SO… I’m 43% more fertile than I was before this journey.

Or the other math my brain does is this… Based on the statement “for every BMI unit over 29, the chance of pregnancy was reduced by four percent”.  If I started at 40 (which is 11 points above 29)… 11 times 4= 44.  I’m 44% more fertile that I was before.  MUCH better math on that one.  OR I just have a crazy woman in my head.

My internal crazy lady sounds similar to Tyra.

Hmm two years huh?  I really do like rounding up too.  I’m 13 months post-op… not quite the 24 months Dr. K would prefer.  On the downward slide wouldn’t hurt anything, right?


Warning: TMI Inside!

I worry. I’m a worrier. There it is. Now you know. I’m not up to let’s-get-the-Xanax level of worrier but I’ve been close. This may be a bit of a surprise to everyone. I think I try to cover up my issues with a happy face most of the time. Then again you could be sitting there thinking Who’s she fooling? And there’s another thing for me to worry about… how well I’ve hidden this from everyone.

I worry about bills, the weather, money, work, friends, my hair, and the car to list a few common themes. Some of these things have kept me up at night. Now my newest subject of worry concern. Conception. We’ve been trying for a year now. Nothing crazy. No phone calls telling R that he needs to be home by 7 so we can fool around. Just the normal first steps. Plotting my cycle and locating the most likely days that nature will work in our favor.

Ok it’s been about a month since I wrote those words. Nothing significant has happened. A few more steps have been taken. Like a doctor was consulted, blood was taken, as were some pretty trippy internal pics of yours truly.  Samples of all kinds donated all in the name of science.  So far everything looks fine.  Adoptive parents have even been consulted (although that is a step far from us still).

I really have to send out a ton of thanks to my support. My family. Not just the crazy people that have to be related by blood but the crazier ones that choose to be around me. My urban family if you will. You know who you all are. In the times of my almost complete inability to hold it all together you have saved me from hiding in my closet rocking back and forth all the while mumbling something only I can understand.

It is really frustrating to be the ones that were responsible in making sure we didn’t have a child when we weren’t ready. Unlike just about EVERYONE I see around me. You know the ones, they barely even notice their offspring playing in the parking lots around the speeding cars. I really wonder sometimes how long it would take one of these people to notice that one of their brood (usually numbering between three and four children) if they went missing.  Or my favorite, the ones that appear to think that their children are fashion accessories.  Last year was tiny dogs now it’s tiny tots.

Yet, here we are. Still responsible and trying desperately to have one of our own little petri dishes. To no avail… it’s been over a year of trying. If we had known it would take this long why spend so much time and money on trying to prevent having a kid? Nature’s cruel trick. Oh well, enter the prowess of the scientific community to combat this little trick I say. (famous last words of a woman with octuplets I believe). At least Oprah would build us a house we could only dream of I guess. See?… silver lining after all.

We’ll keep you posted on any changes on the baby front. Maybe we could adopt the rainbow like all of the celebrities… hmmm. Maybe not.

What Color Would You Like?

So after some exhausting research I sit here astounded at the human race’s need for instant gratification.  What do you do when you order something at a restaurant and it come out incorrect?  Send it back or think of it as an interesting surprise?  I guess I’m just odd since I would go for the interesting surprise option.

What I’m getting at is the strange world of adoption.  What I always thought about it was a very simplified apply with all of your information, pay a bunch of money, and a child is presented to you that you then keep at raise as your own.  Well, this is sort of correct I guess.  The application part is the first step of course.  Now here’s where my disappointment in humans starts.  I kid you not this is what I found on one of the sites for my state…

Race of Child desired (check as many as apply).
Full Caucasian
Full Hispanic
Full African American
Full Asian
Bi Racial (specify mix)

I can totally grasp wanting a child of your own background.  It’s the “specify mix” part that had my jaw hanging.  I can only wonder what some of the people applying have put for that one!

The second thing that I found while researching this is that the large sum of money I had in mind was no where near what the real cost is… it’s sadly just a very small amount in comparison to what it really costs.  The average cost of a domestic adoption in the state I live in is between 16 and 40 THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!  So now you get to decide if you want a child or a new 2009 Cadillac SRX?

All of this research is really mind blowing and really does leave me sad for the way things can be sometimes.  It is really frustrating to see all of these people around me that R and I either think should have had the ability to breed removed at an early age having kids.  Not just one but multiple kids.  When perfectly responsible couples who would make really fantastic parents are stuck with doing the responsible thing and waiting.  Reminds me of the movie Idiotocracy.

Ok, Rant over.  You may continue with your day.